kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
