I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
