My first STD was from a foam party
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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