Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i've created a new STD.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
