They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
God, I missed his penis.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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