Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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