For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
