I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
