The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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