new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
