I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
