Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
