a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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