So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
