my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
