My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
