Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's rum buckets o'clock
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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