i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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