I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
