i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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