Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
