Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
