I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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