My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well I can't set my house on fire every night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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