the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
accomplished twins. life is a go
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
