Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
