i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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