Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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