She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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