Jerry, you need to find god
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
