Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
