the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Randomize
