i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That accounts for only three of the penises
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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