You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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