okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
