Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He better not be in your backpack
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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