Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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