Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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