I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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