is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
