Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize