It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
