I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
