His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
