The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
