put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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