i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
