I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
