she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
