Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
