remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
