I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
