i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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