she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
