Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
