Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Enjoy the penises
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize