He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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