fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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