but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize