Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
