oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
wanna go halves on a baby?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
