I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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