Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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