I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
