Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
