Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
